After 23+ years dealing with divorce and family matters and being in and around the legal world for nearly 30 years, I’ve learnt a thing or two along the way of what to do to make the situation spectacularly worse than it is already. I don’t claim ownership of having done these things, but to those people that have, I salute you. Now don’t do it again.
1. Posting on social media This is the biggest and the best no-no. Posting on social media about your ex, what they said, how you feel about what they said, who you are seeing now, where you are going on holiday now…. Oh dear. Also, no arguing in text messages. there is not enough time delay between rage and finger pressing send. Imagine your children reading all of that – don’t assume that no-one will show them. Oh and also, posting the pictures of you on a fancy holiday in the Bahamas sipping the Mai Tais when claiming you have no money in the financial dispute…. Bad. Move. #Sad
2. Sending an email to your ex partner with bullet points or paragraph numbers This one really sets the tone of the One Telling The Other. I have never seen that work out well. I prefer the tone used when emailing a particularly difficult colleague that you have to sit next to every day and has lots of cat pictures all over the place when you are allergic to cats. Meow.
3. Forgetting that at one time, you were in Love City … and you were sipping the Love Coffee (or Tea – I’m not prejudiced – except for those fruit teas. Yuck) and laughing as you strolled along the Love Streets of the brilliant Love City. Just because it is not working out now does not mean that is was all rubbish and is does not invalidate what was great at the time. So, replace the love you once felt with civility and respect, remember your way is not the only way and you can’t go far wrong.
4. Giving yourself a hard time over a decision you made in the past This one – I am going to tell you to be kind to yourself. Humans are conditioned to always make the best decision they can at the time with the knowledge they have. You don’t know what you don’t know so you do the best with what you do know. Give yourself a break. You are doing okay. It will be okay.
5. Stick your head in the sand and hope it will all go away It won’t. You might as well roll up your sleeves, get some advice and get on with dealing with it. Yes, it will be difficult for a bit but keep your eyes on the horizon and what comes next for you. If you need legal help, find a solicitor you can work in partnership with, will say the things that you might not want to hear and will never, ever, offer you a fruit herbal tea.
Contact me if you need help. We are a Fruit Tea Free Zone