There is often a lot of misunderstanding about what mediation is and how it is used in family law. How better to find out about it for you that speaking to a real life mediator……
Hello! What is your name, the name of your business and what do you do?
I am Milly Wildish, Families First Mediation. I am a family mediator registered with the Family Mediation Council and Family Mediation Association. I support people make decisions about childcare arrangements and how to separate property and finances.
What is family mediation?
Family mediation is a process where a trained independent mediator helps you work out arrangements with another participant (e.g. an ex-partner) concerning children, finance or property.
The mediator is there to help you work through disagreements and find solutions that work for you both and explain how to make the agreement you reach legally binding, should you wish to do so.
Is mediation the same as marriage counselling?
Family Mediation works to help the parties identify areas of agreement and to negotiate solutions that are acceptable to everyone involved. The goal of mediation is to reach a mutually beneficial agreement that works for everyone. It does not discuss the relationship, who was to blame or try to get you back together. Instead, it focuses on helping you both move forwards in your lives by agreeing the parenting arrangements for your children, where you will both be living, division of any assets and whether any ongoing payments between you are to be made.
Marriage or couples counselling on the other hand, is a form of therapy that focuses on the relationship between two partners in a marriage or relationship. The goal of marriage/couples counselling is to help couples improve their relationship, address specific issues or problems, and enhance communication skills, usually with the aim of reconciliation or building a healthier relationship.
Do you give clients legal advice and tell them what to do?
One of the guiding principles of Family Mediation, is impartiality. As a mediator, I am an impartial person that supports effective communication between parties, in order that important decisions can be made. Giving any advice risks skewing that impartiality. I help cultivate options with parties, but ultimately it is for the parties to make the decisions about what is in the best interests of their family. I can however provide legal information where relevant, to facilitate conversations. If I feel parties need more information and potentially advice in a more complex area such as pensions, then I will signpost parties.
Is mediation binding? If a client thinks they have agreed to something and changed their mind, can they do that?
Well, it depends. In relation to co-parenting arrangements, I can draw up a parenting plan, but it is not legally binding and it can be amended either between parties or returning to mediation at any time in the future. If parents would like it to be legally binding, then both parents would need to make an application to the family court, waive their right to confidentiality (mediation is confidential) and request the plan to be converted into a child arrangements order. It is important to note that more parents stick to a parenting plan designed by parents in mediation, than one imposed on them by the family courts.
When it comes to finances, this is slightly different. I can support full financial disclosure, and I can write a memorandum of understanding of all the financial decisions that are made. Parties can then take this to their solicitor, and they can convert the document into a consent order. This order can be approved by the judge. An application for a consent order can still be made to the court and it is a straightforward process.
How long does it take using mediation to get to the point of an agreement?
Well, that depends on how quickly decisions are made. Statistics show that it is on average, 3-4 hours of mediation for child arrangements and 4-5 hours if there are also financial decisions to be made. It is also important to note that if there are any children (under 18’s) involved, even if parties are only mediating finances, the government offers a £500 non-means tested voucher towards mediation. Each mediator has their own pricing, but I offer 2 hours of funded mediation with the voucher. Preparing parties in advance about financial disclosure speeds the process up and keeps costs down.
What is the thing you like best about your job?
Keeping families out of the family courts. The family court process can be extremely difficult and, in many cases, traumatic for families. It can also be expensive and very lengthy.
In July 2024 alone, Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service (court social workers) received 5,175 new children’s cases (7,790 children). The number of open outstanding children’s cases at the end of July 2024 was 28,504. There are currently 46,360 children on open proceedings. Of course, some of those cases involve children who are at risk of significant harm and so the family court must be utilised. But many of those children are not at risk of harm and they are part of proceedings, because their parents would not agree what was in the best interests of their child.
How can people who want to mediate get in touch with you?
I have an office in central Southend for in person appointments, I also offer online appointments. My website is www.familiesfirstmediation.co.uk or my number is 07917 321230. I offer a free mediation discovery call and half price mediation, information and assessment meeting (MIAM) to anyone accessing universal credit.